I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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