Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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