I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
