well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
