Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
