I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
