she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
