Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
