Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
