it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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