well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
