I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
