Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
