some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
