Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
