My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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