After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
