Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
