I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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