Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
