So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im part way to drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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