one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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