He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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