I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
