I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
