very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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