apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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