So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
