my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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