I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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