At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love you. Go after that dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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