yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
