My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
cat food counts as protein by the way
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
