If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we're so committed to being not committed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
