Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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