There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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