I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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