Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
