like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
