in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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