does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
