i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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