Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
