I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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