i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
