I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
