Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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