Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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