dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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