I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
