If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
