and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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