where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
