you didnt know i had herpes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
