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Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
