So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
