I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
