Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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