yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He shit in the fireplace
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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