Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
