I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
