Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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