Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
