My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
