Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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