Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
