Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
