My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
