D3 body, D1 cock
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
