Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
