I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
