I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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