the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
