i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
