Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
