saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
