the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
